It Pays to be Ignorant| 


      Quizmaster: Tom Howard 
      Panelists:  Harry McNaughton 
      Lulu McConnell 
      George Shelton                         
      Announcer:  Ken Roberts 
      Music:  Dr. Nat Novic 
Harry McNaughton, Lulu McConnell, George Shelton, Tom Howard 

Introduction
Harry McNaughton, George Shelton and the "Nail-Up Girl" Lulu McConnell were the 
panelists, with Tom Howard as the quizmaster in this hilarious spoof of quiz 
shows. The panelists were billed as the dumbest people on the planet, and 
proceeded to spend the next half hour proving that fact. When asked questions 
like "What color is the Little Red Schoolhouse?", they attempt to clarify the 
query by asking completely irrelevant questions, interrupting each other, 
talking in circles, and following dead end discussions in a vain attempt to find 
the answer. 
Each show opens with: 
     theme fanfare 
     Howard: What is a reigning beauty?   (replace by Q/A's below)
     Shelton:A girl who's all wet. 
     Howard: Correct. Pay that man $8.00 
     theme fanfare 
     Howard: If four frankfurters cost 10 cents, what is 500 frankfurters? 
     Shelton:A lot of bologna. 
     Howard: Correct. Pay that man $9.00 because...
     announcer: It Pays To Be Ignorant 
     theme up full 
     After Tom is introduced, he introduces Harry as the celebrated author on the 
panel, mentioning the title of this week's book, like "The Tree of Knowledge or 
Don't Be Fooled by Pretty Limbs". Harry will then read his latest poem, under 
duress. 
     Lulu is introduced next, usually with a barrage of terms like Melon-Collie Baby 
(she only has one tooth, like a baby, as well as the standard insult), Miss 
Death Valley of 1944, or "here's a woman who should have been born in the Dark 
Ages because she looks terrible in the light". Then in a raspy saw-blade voice 
she tells the trouble her old man got into or some such. When a male member of 
the audience is introduced, her main interest is his first name and marital 
status. 
     George is introduced last, with the implication that he couldn't outthink a 
comatose flea. When an audience member mentions the town they're from, George 
inevitably "used to work in that town!" and he'd tell everyone the dumbest job 
you can imagine. 
     Music interludes are generally a classical and contemporary hodgepodge, 
sometimes straight, sometime very Spike Jonesish, and usually with the mikes 
open as Tom and the panelist comment and ridicule the music and orchestra. The 
music leader is a mystery to me. He's always introduced as "Dr. Nat Novic" but 
Tom thanks "Johnny" after the opening theme. According to Dunning, while the 
show was on Mutual, music was handled by Tom's son, Tom. Then, on CBS, the 
orchestra leader was Harry Salter. So I don't really know who did what when. 
     As intellectual quiz shows grew in popularity, Bob Howell of WELI, New Haven, 
Conn. put together an outline for a quiz show parody. Ruth Howard created the 
test script and sold it to the promoter with her father as the moderator. Tom 
Howard and George Shelton were in vaudeville together, Harry McNaughton from 
England and American radio comedy, and Lulu McConnell also from vaudeville. 
     Many shows are undated, and edited (badly) for AFRS broadcast. According to Jay 
Hickerson's Ultimate log, about 43 shows are in circulation, and all are dated.